August 2014

Foot in the Air and I Don’t Care!

Finally!! Knee has been scoped and the doc says he fixed it! I’m so ready to get on to the rehab part and get on with my  tennis life. Well, both are apropos. Yup, I’m stir crazy after one day of lounging with my foot / knee /leg up and out of commission. I’ve driven all my friends away on Facebook I think. I’ve posted nonsense, leg selfies like this one:

See my autograph? They made me initial so they'd fix the right one...well, in my case, the left one!
See my autograph? They made me initial so they’d fix the right one…well, in my case, the left one!

And have been an absolute nuisance as much as possible online. I posted responses to everything that my friends posted, their comments to me and flitted around to business pages and gave them some opinions and sundry things. I posted a picture of my dog Lizzie using my son’s Instagram account, whoops!

Lizzy Lou, my wee furry nurse, doing her thing.
Lizzy Lou, my wee furry nurse, doing her zen and snuggly thing.

Well, that’s one way to get your college son to finally call. Not my fault, he borrowed my phone to post his ALS challenge and didn’t sign out! I must admit I thought it was hilarious, and the picture of my little furry nurse got some likes from his friends, especially the girls… with the disclaimer from him after the fact, “I didn’t post this.” Bawhahaha. Made my day, though. He called, “Hi mom, looks like you posted a picture on my Instagram account…” Not, “Hi Mom, I really miss you! How’s your knee?” Because, we all know that’s what he wanted to say, but he had a room full of guys and the other popped out. I’m sure that’s what happened.

Did I do anything productive? Of course not! I could have written so much today, but no, I wallowed in my own swollen-ness. And scratched a lot. Those pain meds make me itch like a word that ryhmes… there you go, mad ma’am. I’m only taking half the dose now and chasing it with a Benadryl. I hate taking anything at all, but I’ve been warned by everyone on FB, and via text today that I don’t want to get behind the pain curve.

A friend of mine lent me her walker. I LOVE it. I’m not proud. That thing stands up on it’s own! I can let go and do whatever I need to do with my hands without it sprawling or being in the way, like try to cook… before the hubby sent me back to bed. He sweetly brought me all my food, kept my water cooler, knee freezer thingy full of ice water and re-situated before scurrying back to his desk. I can’t sneak around either because the walker makes squeaky noises. I’ve tried. The crutches do too, though. Come to think of it, he kept me on my narcotic regime like clockwork. Do you think it’s because he doesn’t want to hear me complain about how much pain I’m in, or to get me to snooze so he could get some work done?

As far as hanging in there with my Ideal Protein diet, I’m mostly on it. I’ve had some veggies, and some meat today. I’ve eaten one IP or was it two? Things are hazy. Seems like this morning was yesterday. Looking forward to another long day or 3000. Patience is not my virtue. I don’t think I’ll be able to talk hubs into taking me to son’s soccer tourney, even for one game. Too much verticality. There ya go, your new word for the day: verticality!

Later! Everyone get out and walk, or hop, or run or bike for me please.


I Am A Creeper

See the creeper?
See the creeper? In honor of National Dog Day Yesterday, my girls are the stars. Say hello to Shiner Blonde (named after the delicious Texas beer) and Lizzy Lou (little creeper).

Okay, you know a real creeper probably wouldn’t say they are a creeper… but I’m not a real creeper (I hope) in the Urban Dictionary sense of the word. Well, there are a bunch of definitions there. I’m hoping I’m not one of those, though, if I am, I hope I’m one of the friggin’ hilarious ones. Anyway, what I mean is that in diet terms, I think I’m a creeper. I’m creeping ever freaking slowly toward my goal. I mean S•L•O•W•L•Y. Holy magical mushrooms! MotherFather, Sonofabiscuit! Seriously?

This weeks Creeps:

-1.6 lbs (27.6 lbs total, which wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t been rounding when people ask how much I’ve lost.) I’ve been saying “around 27” for a couple of weeks now. Sheesh.

-.5 chestious maximus

-.5 quad

Everything else was pretty much the same. 

Day 78: Okra IS Finger Food!!

When you think of okra, do you think slime? I do, and then it’s followed by a “blech”. However, I’ve always liked fried okra. Well, okay, I’ve always liked just about fried anything, but okra, breaded and deep fried till crispy, then coated in ketchup? Yes, that is the bomb, and don’t worry, when I drown it in ketchup, I use a fork. Usually, it’s sharing a plate with chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes and gravy, but we’re not going there anymore. (except on super secret, highly illicit food fantasy binges). So, I tried roasting okra because, as you may or may not know, I’m not a veggie fan. Well, I am now. This diet requires 4 cups (or at least as much as I can muster) a day. I LOVE okra. There, I’ve said it to the universe.

It's Finger Freaking-delicious Food, I Tell Ya!
It’s Finger Freaking-delicious Food, I Tell Ya!

Here’s what I do:

Preheat oven to 350

Chop okra cross-wise as if you were going to deep fry (sigh)

Spray a cookie sheet with olive oil

Throw on the okra, and try to spread those slimy buggers so there’s one layer

Sprinkle with sea salt (or Ideal Protein Salt)

Put in oven for 15 or more minutes, until they’ve shriveled and look and feel crunchy

Taste for salty accurateness, add more if needed

Scrape into a bowl and dig in with those fingers. 

“Look Mom, no slime!!” Enjoy!

Girls Night

So, I’m almost halfway there… I’m wearing something tonight that I wouldn’t have worn without a big sweater or cover up a couple of months ago. It feels good, but when I look at the pictures, I still see largess… happy one though.  However, my cute hubs is quite the photographer and is sneaky. I didn’t know he was taking all these… I was waiting for the flash! Busted, the real me EXPOSED! Oh well, fun is fun! Enjoy your night, I’m going out with the work wives!

Out Tonight

Birthday Dinner Blowout!

I’m amazed at how my definition of “blowout” has changed over the last 73 days. My son and hubby took me out for an early birthday dinner since on my real birthday, I’ll be laid up post-knee surgery. I ate more than I would have normally on this diet, but I found that I didn’t really want to snarf, even with the excuse of a real celebration. I say real because once I started on this Ideal Protein thing, I realized that I tended to treat every meal as a celebration. Eating was really emotional, not so much anymore. (Hooray!! That’s a wee victory in and of itself!)

The boys took me to Perry’s Steakhouse famous for it’s 15 pound pork chop. Okay, it’s not really 15 pounds, but it’s ridiculous. I LOVE that pork chop. Even when we split it, I bring home leftovers that give us a couple more meals. Here’s what I ate:

Crabcake, yum!
Crabcake, yum!

1 small crab cake (this had gluten, but was delish)

1/2 spring salad

4 oz (at most) of pork chop

1 tiny cheesecake (about the diameter of a quarter and about 1 inch tall … about two bites)

1 small creme brullee (shallow dish about 3 inch diameter)

2 bites of hubby’s potatos

2 bites of bread with butter

1 vodka with grapefruit juice and soda

So, yes, more than I would normally have eaten, but not very bad at all. I knew that I had to eat very little of each course to get it down. We were disappointed that the desserts that we LOVE there, were unavailable and we had to opt for the trio of tiny desserts, however, it saved me a TON of un-needed calories. The few bites of sugar I had were more than enough.

I really enjoyed my celebration with two of my favorite men. It’s weird that one’s away at school, he was missed. The bill was much cheaper though! He got food texts, and I got a Happy Early Birthday message. If you have a male college student, you probably know that getting a response at all is a gift!

I’m pleased with my performance, but mostly I am happy about how I felt about eating… even celebratory eating. I didn’t want to overeat, and a few bites of everything was plenty. There were no feelings of deprivation! Maybe that was the vodka at work? Cheers!

Day 72: Chimp Chump

My Chimp's A Chump
My Chimp’s A Chump

My 50 pound monkey, is now a chimp, but I can’t help feeling like a chump. I wanted to feel like a champ. I do not. I laugh sometimes when I think about how absolutely awful the first week or two (or three) of this journey was. Now, 72 days later, I’m still at it. We’ve had a VERY busy summer with lots of little trips sprinkled about so that I  had a hard time really perfecting the art of this Ideal Protein Diet. I have, however, pretty much perfected the “I don’t give a flying flock what you’re eating, I’m eating freaking lettuce (again) and I’m not gonna think about it (or I’ll puke!)” And even though I’ve been a Saint on vacation, I’m okay with losing point freaking 4 of a pound. Really. I’m okay.

I had planned, way back in my naivete, at the birth of this journey, that by the end of August, we’d celebrate the loss of an anthropoid for my birthday and I would have the option of eating the cupcake delivered to my bed. I would be monkeyless. Instead, as fate has painted it, I will celebrate my birthday with a half a monkey, a chimp, if you will, like a chump… a chump on drugs and crutches. Yep, drugs I tell you. My knee gets fixed two days before I have to remember a larger number (doesn’t matter, I can never remember my age anyway, it’s just a freaking number) and I’m not looking forward to it. And the pain killers, I cannot scream this loud enough, I HATE them. They wig me out, they make me feel absolutely shite, but I’m told I will need them at least the first couple of days. Let’s not even get started on the crutches. Just, no. Hmpht.

This journey has taken me through the jungle, slogging through the anaconda filled bog, and absolutely up hill all the way. It’s been hard. I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been disappointed probably more times than I’ve been genuinely thrilled. My progress is sickeningly slow, by Ideal Protein Standards, and MUCH slower than my expectations. It’s frustrating to be doing what I’m supposed to and creeping along. I wanted to be wowed weekly by my progress.

I’m still zig-zagging in the right direction, though. I won’t quit, I’m pretty damned sure about that.

While in Colorado, I lost point 4 of a pound. I gained about a a pound of muscle, lost 3/4 inches in my waist, and 3/4 inch in my quad (that’s just atrophy though from not being able to do anything.) I hate being slow. I hate feeling like a chump. However, I must admit a chimp is much cuter than a big assed gorilla. Yes. I’ll take that.

Moving In Day At Uni For First Born

Too tired to write. Sticking to the diet is tough, but doing it!

My gosh we brought so much stuff! My Irish husband can’t believe all the stuff that goes into these dorm rooms, and not just our kid’s room! A few finishing touches tomorrow while they’re out at 3 a days (soccer) and we are done. and I mean done as in, exhausted! Knee is on ice, wish I had some Tito’s on ice!! (Grin)

Day 65: The News Is … Well, Progress Is Progress!

The scale finally moved more than a pound or two! Woohoo! Here ya go!

I'll take it.
I’ll take it.

Good Clean Fun: DietBet Starts Tomorrow

dietbetscaleJust a wee reminder that the 50 Pound Monkey diet bet starts tomorrow. Diet bet handles everything, and verifies your weigh ins via full body photos of you on the scale with the word of the day super secret password showing, plus, a photo of what the scale says. At first, I freaked out when I saw my numbers on the site, however, I’m the only one that can see them. Whew!!! You’ll be the only one to see yours too.

Our pot is currently at $245. Remember, if you lose 4% in 4 weeks, you get your money back! The bonus is that anyone who didn’t reach the goal forfeits their entry fee and it’s divided equally among the winners. Woohoo!

Reminder/Disclaimer: I am not in charge. DietBet controls all the money, the bets, the winners. This is just for fun!


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