Finally, I’m getting used to this ridiculous lifestyle change (in progress). And as I wander through this new and carb deprived reality that is my life, I am often blindsided by urges that pop out of absolutely nowhere and I’m dumbstruck (some would say, well, duh…) by what, and how often these little lapses appear.
Walking through the kitchen, I notice a cookie wrapper sitting on the counter abandoned by some freeloader fart knocker brat boy/man/someone-obviously-Not-ON-THIS-blankety-blank–DIET, and I’m struck by the utter unconsciousness of my action as my hand reaches out, un-asked, to grab the chunk that they unwittingly left behind. I’m cleaning up, of course. I mean, who in their right mind, would leave a chunk of cookie? There! Right there on the counter? IT’S A COOKIE!!! Seriously? You didn’t notice that huge HUNK the size of a dime? That’s like a wee miracle of confection, a tiny package of ecstasy… and… Thankfully, my brain catches up and as my hand closes around the delectable nugget of heaven trash, I hear the evil witch from the Wizard of Oz cackling in my head, clear as a bell, as I throw it in the bin, and wipe the drool on my sleeve. Ha! I’ll show those little flying monkeys! Their crumbs are gone!
YEEE-hee-heee-heee-heee.
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